Love, Forgiveness, and a challenge.

"To love is to will the good of the other."
-St. Thomas Aquinas



Love.

We humans are so smart that we think we know what it means. Merriam-Webster Dictionary has the following:
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties ·maternal love for a child
  (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
  (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
 
 b : an assurance of affection ·give her my love

 2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

 3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration

b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment  (2) British —used as an informal term of address 

4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent (see benevolent 1a) concern for the good of another: such as   (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind  (2) : brotherly concern for others 

b : a person's adoration of God

5 : a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or personification of love

6 : an amorous episode

7 : the sexual embrace : copulation

8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)

9 capitalized, Christian Science : god


However, I think the simple quote of St. Thomas Aquinas defines the word "love" even more poignantly and to the point: To love is to will the good of the other. If you define love that simply and succinctly, it does make it easy to love even your "enemies". To be honest, who among us has "enemies" in this day and age? Unless you are part of a gang or in the mafia, chances are you don't have someone following you around trying to hasten your demise. So no, none of us should have anyone we call our "enemies" in our everyday life. No, the dude who cut you off in traffic today is not your enemy. Ignorant, yes, but not your enemy. The customer who swore at you over the phone is not your enemy. Their anger is with their situation, not you personally. The person you have been holding a grudge against for months because of something they may have said or done is also not your enemy. They might have had a bad day or their mouth went faster than their brain, but that does not mean they deserve your hatred. Even an argument is not a sign of hatred. If you are passionate about an issue, of course you are going to be emotional.

Remember, no matter what your race, creed, or color is, you are made in the image and likeness of God. Read it again. Read it 10,000 times if you need to. We are all made in His image, which makes us all brothers and sisters, no matter how dysfunctional we are as a global family or how many borders separate us or what religion we are. If you are reading this, whether we have broken bread together or have never met, you are my brother or sister.


At the end of the day, what does hating or disliking others get us? What does holding onto grudges get us? It makes us the winners of a jackpot of a lifetime of pain. That is a jackpot you do not want. Due to many traumas that have taken place in my younger years, be it physical or sexual harassment (read what I wrote last week), seeing one of your parents take their own life, constant teasing and torture, and trying to repair a bond between mother and son, I held on to a lot of hatred for a long time. All it did was put me in misery and make me feel worthless. I am learning slowly to let that pain go. I'm not perfect at it, and still have days where it gets me down, but I learn to let it go because I know holding on to pain and anger is no way to live your life. I wish no hatred or ill will towards anyone who wronged me. I just pray that those people have learned lessons in life that have helped them change their ways for the better. I wish them nothing but the best, and the will to do good.


At my job lately, I have been pushing myself to the max to show everyone that I am no longer a surly person who feels like the office owes him something just because he is there. It has been getting results as well, and I have also been building a better relationship with everyone here. Look, the good Lord says to "Love thy neighbor" and to love your enemies. I have been trying hard to not hate or dislike anyone, even if they bug the living hell out of me. Why? I am a Christian and my faith tells me so. If we call ourselves Christians and hate people, we might as well give it up because we would be liars and the truth would not be inside of us. Faith also tells you to give the best of yourself to the high calling of our daily work. The Shakers, a Christian community that lived in Lancaster County, had a saying "hands to work, hearts to God". I have been doing the best I can to do that as of late.

It has taken a lot of love and patience to transform myself here at the job. What you have to do is tell yourself that the people you work with are not your enemies, no matter how ignorant or inept they might or might not be. At the end of the day, you all want to go home safely to your homes and families. We also spend more time with them during the week than we do our own families, so show some love and try your best to make friends and make the best of it. What did getting angry all the time here get me? Lots of pain, misery, and sadness. You don't want that.


Of course, we are still going to get angry. Yet, we cannot let anger get the best of us. It only takes some effort to turn anger into love. The secret for turning anger into love is forgiveness, especially for the Christian, because that is what we are called to do. We must always be willing to forgive, because the lack of forgiveness leads to grudges and hatred, and wars have been fought for less than that in our history. Yet, no matter what our beliefs are, we must always be willing and ready to forgive. We must always be willing and ready to love. We must always be willing and ready to wish the best for others and that they are willing to do good.

I have a challenge for everyone who reads this today: Reach out to a person you might have a grudge with. Talk with understanding about what might have caused this grudge to occur. Be willing to listen and learn. Then, forgive. Mend any wounds that might have been caused. Then, move forward. Bury the grudge with a shovel and then bury the shovel. Don't make excuses. Who knows what friendships, relationships, and even marriages could be saved and reinvigorated if we could just learn to talk things out and forgive! Call me naive, but what is wrong for trying to find the best in others and finding the good in others? It is a lot less painful than trying to look for the worst. So heed my call and take this challenge. You have nothing to lose but your anger and your grudges.


A little bit of love can cure a little bit of hate, but a lot of love can wipe hate out.