Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair, shoulder length or longer
Here, baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair"
The Cowsills-"Hair"
For the lion's share of the last 20 years, I have had long hair. People who have known me for less than that time period have only known me with longer hair, from my wife and daughter to co-workers who I only see and never really converse with.
I'm a rock musician. I am supposed to have long hair. It is part of who I am. I never dreamed of parting with it and shearing off my locks. With longer hair, I look like a bad ass rocker. Without it, I always thought I looked like a geek or an accountant, not a musician.
 |
| Me with long hair rocking out on the drums with CSI. |
No, I will not cut my hair, I said. I'd sooner have my head slammed in a car door.
Then, opinions from the love of my life and a coworker who I only talk to in passing changed it all.
My lovely wife used to always swoon at the sight of long haired me. Once you know what the love of your life finds attractive in you, you want to go out of your way to keep it going so they can continue to look at you the way they always have, am I right? Then, a year or so ago, she started to tell me my hair was thinning. I asked myself "how could this be? Look at all this hair I have!" Yet, she was right. It was not as flowing and thick as it once was. Still, I was determined to carry on with my hair and hope that the right shampoo or whatever would work a miracle. My wife had fallen in love with a long haired rock and roll guy, not a geek who couldn't get a date in high school even if I had a fistful of weekend passes at the prison on Orange Is The New Black. I was going to stay long haired or die trying.
Then one day, a few months ago, a co-worker casually asked me if I play in a band. I said yes.
He said I reminded him of Meat Loaf. *record scratch*
In my head, I was like WHAT?
Now, I am not disparaging the talent of Meat Loaf. He is an amazing singer and a hell of a talent. However, he was also known for being overweight and looking like a cliché. As someone who had always been slender to a point, to be compared looks wise to an overweight rock singer whose best days were behind him was the final nail in the coffin.
Cue the song "Too Old To Rock and Roll, Too Young to Die" by Jethro Tull, my soundtrack for when I feel that time has passed me by and I should just surrender all of my musical dreams and just resign myself to giving up.
Then after days of mulling it over, I shared my recounting of the Meat Loaf comment to my wife and another couple we are close with on an outing in Carlisle. I said that comment was too much for me to swallow and it is time that I cut my hair.
Still, I waited a month after saying that, due to the fact that I was in a state of denial. Come on, I can't get rid of the hair. It's how people know me! I'd look like a goof head banging with short hair on stage or at a concert. It was how I turned heads when I started attending church regularly. It was how my brothers and sisters in the music community knew who I was. Most importantly, my wife fell in love with me when I had long hair and I didn't want to remove one of my most attractive qualities. I wanted her to still look at me the same.
Rocker to dork. Rocker to dork. Selling out and going back to the guy I was in high school. After I graduated, I became who I did because I didn't want to go back to being someone who was always pushed around. After my dad committed suicide, I solidified my image because I really wasn't the person I grew up as anymore. I was now my own man. I kept myself away from family members I was very close to at one time because I was not that same person I was as a child. I erroneously thought that I had to say goodbye to everything from my past.
Then, my maternal grandmother passed away. While her loss shook everyone in my mom's side of the family to their core, in addition to that for myself, it made me do a lot of soul searching. It made me want to reconnect with family I had distanced myself from before it was too late. Out of sadness and mourning came new beginnings. I am reconnected with many members of my family on social media now and we can keep in contact with each other. I also was happy to see that some things have never changed and I still love them as much as I always have and that the feelings were mutual.
So, with renewed purpose and realizing that I can be the person I once was as a child and still be the person I became as an adult, I decided it was time to let go of a symbol that I could not hold on to anymore. Hair is just that, hair. It is not charisma. It is not charm. It is not personality. It is not talent. It is not sex appeal. It is just hair and nothing else.
On July 30, 2019, I said goodbye to most of my hair. I felt free afterwards. I shocked the daylights out of 90 percent of the people I know. I startled my daughter because she had never seen me with short hair, ever. I still have people come up to me at work and say "you got a haircut!" My only prayer is that people will still accept me even though I look different. It is still me!
Hmmm...maybe people will take me seriously here at work now and I can finally get a new position. Maybe this haircut can be my exit strategy...Stay tuned.
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