You're a troubled young man I can tell
You've got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand's wet with sweat and your head needs a rest
And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it
Why must you be such an angry young man
When your future looks quite bright to me
How can there be such a sinister plan
That could hide such a lamb, such a caring young man"
Styx-"Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)"
Yesterday, I vented some frustrations. Today, I decided to take those frustrations and turn them into a prayer. Call it a "psalm for the frustrated". True story: Five minutes after I finished this prayer, I once again lost my patience. Fortunately, I apologized to the person I lost my patience with and explained calmly what I was feeling. Thankfully, they understood and shared my frustration. Still, it shows the challenges in keeping your patience in this environment. It's not for the faint-hearted.
Maybe if you are having a rough day, this prayer can be for you too. Read on...
Amen. When I pray for patience, that is what I want! |
Dear Lord, Please help me calm my anger at my situation. I need you now, more than ever.
Why do you continue to make things hard for me here? Why do you continue to put barriers and challenges in my way?
What is your deal? What are you trying to say to me? Do you want me to serve you and do the best for you or not?
Each day in this office as of late is like running a gauntlet. The minute you accomplish two things, 10 more tasks are handed to you.
I am at the mercy of people who know not what they are doing, yet they tell me what to do. Those in charge are supposed to know more than you, right? When the leader knows not what he does, how can they lead?
We get new management in, and they become acclimated, but then they interview for another position and they leave. We are then handed over to another management team who knows even less than the people before. Our office has become a weigh station for management and not a place anyone wants to stay at and help make better. What would your Church be like, Lord, if a Pope died or resigned, and a new one took his place, but decided to quit, and it kept happening? The Church would fall into error and chaos would grip your faithful. At this job, we have no firm leadership and we are spiraling out of control.
The more this happens, the more my work ethic spins down the tubes. I start to care more about working to the rule instead of going out of my way to do as much as I can. Lord, it is so hard to stay motivated and keep my morale up.
Merciful Jesus, I have tried so hard to enter each day with a grin on my face. For a while, I kept it up. I can't hold onto it anymore. I'd be lying to myself and to you, my Lord.
I know it means I am failing you as a disciple. I know it means I am not setting the best example of one of your servants. I am angry here every day. I talk back and I lash out. I refuse to be pushed around so I push back. If someone higher than me asks me how I do something, I say "You tell me. You are the one in charge. You should know these things." I know it is wrong, and I know it is not showing humility. Yet, I keep doing it anyway. I am ashamed and sorry, my Lord. By not being a humble servant I have sinned against you.
Today, once again, I am praying for patience and calm, and a clear head so I can serve you the best I can even when I am here, and I really am not in the mood to be the best me I can be for you. For once, please give it to me. Please.
Merciful Jesus, please protect me and cover me with your precious blood. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for me to your son that I can change things here and start to be a beacon instead of a black hole.
I thank you, O Lord, for opening my heart and removing the scales from my eyes, and using servants you have on Earth to convince me of the errors of my ways. I am trying hard to make up for lost time and make it right. I am yours, use me for what you want. Use me to be an example of what not to do. Embarrass me. Shame me. Do not let up on me until you know I am on the right track, and even then, please keep up the pressure and motivation.
Lord, I want my energy back that gets sapped from me every day I am here. I am tired of being a doormat for people in this office. I know you understand anger, Lord. You drove the money changers out of the temple in a rage. Even you have gotten angry. You must understand why I am angry.
I know well that Satan is trying to take hold of my reigns once again and turn me away from you, Lord. Give me the strength to persevere, and I am closer to you that I have been for awhile now, and I want to start living my life according to your letter and spirit. It is very difficult when you are fighting a war like this, with no allies and no friends. I have no one to reach out to, no one to turn to. It's just me and you Lord. Please guide me.
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.
In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
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