Nobody's gonna slow me down
Like a wheel, gonna spin it
Nobody's gonna mess me around
Hey Satan, paid my dues
Playing in a rocking band
Hey mama, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land, whoo!"
AC/DC-"Highway to Hell"
I declared my belief in Christ in mid-2006.
I started going to church again later that year and nearly became a Sunday School teacher in the Lutheran church.
After months and months of reading, research, and prayer, I entered the Catholic Church in 2007/08. Now, I am declaring my intentions to be a catechist for Religious Education classes at my parish. I feel the Lord is calling me.
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| Like Stryper, I am a soldier under God's command... |
All the while, I had continued to be the same rock and roll personality I had always been. Yet, over the years, the image has softened. I have a family, a wife and a daughter who need me. I can't be the same concert goer and club hopper I used to be. Frankly, I am OK with that. I prefer a meal out with friends in a relaxed atmosphere as opposed to having to yell into someone's ear to have a conversation with them. The occasional night at a club is fun, but experiencing drunk people getting into fights, having my wife getting hit on, and going home with my leather jacket soaked in beer because people keep spilling it on me makes me not want to overdo it.
I enjoy playing the clubs in my current band as it is a lot of fun, but I only go out to shows now when we have a gig or there are other bands I want to build a personal connection with that will lead to more shows and opportunities. I can't do it every weekend. Once again, I have a family. If I did go back to my lifestyle before our child came into the world, I would be served divorce papers. My wife would have every right to do so as well. A good husband has to be there for his family.
However, a night out at a show is still a damn great time. My wife and I went to see a friend's tribute band last week (a friend who also sings in a metal band with a Christian message), and it was like old times. We had lots of fun and enjoyed making connections with one of the opening bands that my own group hopes to perform with in future. Plus, it really felt good to don the leathers again and be that person I was before my daughter was born. I've always enjoyed making personal connections with musical artists and last Saturday proved I still had it in me to be that outgoing person trying to build connections. The old man's still got it. Thank God, because I thought I had lost it. It gave me confidence.
I'm telling you that story to tell you this one. It felt great to be the heavy metal Matt again. I enjoyed it so much. So much so that I have been listening to more heavy metal than I have in a long time. Slipping back into those songs is like slipping into a warm bath, very easy.
Until, I decide I want to listen to a favorite Arch Enemy song, "Diva Satanica":
"Blinded by her infinite beauty
You are lured into the temple
The smell of incense burning
This carnal pleasure yearning
Bride of Satan
Transgress the rules of this world
Too late you realize
This love is ripping you apart
Medusa... abuser... both beast and beauty
Seducer... she'll use you... as fodder for her dreams"
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| My favorite Arch Enemy album. "Diva Satanica" is a bonus track |
It hits me...I should not be listening to music like this any more. Why? I'm going to be volunteering to be a catechist at my church. What kind of example am I setting? I'm supposed to be a Christian, not a Satanist. Why do I still have CD's by Emperor and Burzum in my collection? Not only have members of those bands burned churches, they also have a strong Nazi-esque Germanic heathenism in their lyrics. Hypocrite, I am.
I am guessing it is time for another confession haha.
In fact, why stop there? I have albums by Amon Amarth, who are also pagan heathens. Good heavens, I still enjoy AC/DC, who have songs like "Highway to Hell" and "Hell Ain't A Bad Place to Be". I'm supposed to be a Christian, why do I still listen to them or own any of their work?
Come to think of it, why do I still do the Ronnie James Dio "devil horns"? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not exactly acting like Catholic Church catechist material. Shame on me.
Yet, I still enjoy heavy metal and progressive rock. More often than not, most lyrical content has nothing to do with evil or Satanism. I find many songs in the genres to be spiritually uplifting. Many Bible Belt Christians lambasted Iron Maiden in 1982 when The Number of the Beast was released, but the song is only about a nightmare that bassist/songwriter Steve Harris had. Most Iron Maiden tunes are about history, literature, and sometimes going through spiritual struggle i.e. "Heaven Can Wait" or "Sign of the Cross". There are many heavy metal bands who's lyrics may not even be Christian in nature, but can still be spiritually positive and uplifting.
My own band, while not a metal band, consists of members who are all fans of the genre in one way or another. Lyrically, our music does not make me uncomfortable. I get great joy out of playing and performing our songs and I thank the Lord before each and every performance, even though our music is secular. While dark, it is dark in an introspective way and an atmospheric way. That's my kind of darkness. Our main songwriter/frontman is a master at setting amazing moods with his lyrics, almost like a movie for your mind. As a lyricist myself, I do try to shape lyrics that fit my Catholic worldview without saying "I'm a Catholic rah rah rah", and in turn can be relatable to people without being in their face. No matter what state my faith is in, it still shapes me.
Yes, faith has shaped me.
I am not sure I can still enjoy songs I have always loved like Opeth's "The Moor" or anything by Tobias Sammet's Avantasia. The Nighwish album Endless Forms Most Beautiful, while a tour-de-force, makes me uncomfortable with its lyrics rooted in the secular humanism of Richard Dawkins. Even classic rock standards like "Legend of a Mind" by The Moody Blues feel uncomfortable due to the song being about Dr. Timothy Leary, a noted acid enthusiast. Jeez...maybe even Rush is off limits now (see "Freewill" and "Faithless").
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| Nightwish |
Why? Simple. Faith. I am a Christian. I am a Catholic. I do not feel comfortable endorsing views that go against the views of Holy Mother Church, especially if I am going to be serving it.
Lord Jesus, please tell me. You brought me to a point in my life where I want to be. I have a wonderful family and friends and a talent that I thank You for. I give thanks to You before every single show I play. I give thanks to You for the friends I have made in music. I give thanks to You for calling me to volunteering in the Church. Am I doing the right thing by being put into doubt by some of the music I enjoy? Can I still be considered Your servant even if I listen to groups that spread a message that You don't approve of? Do I have to give that music up? I know You are not telling me to stop playing music and enjoying music and doing what I have been doing in my music career, but am I doing You wrong by listening to music that endorses any heathen or Satanic messages, even if they do not influence my thinking?
What next, Lord?
Coming back to metal has been healing and reinvigorating and exciting me for what influences it can give me in my own musical life and musician life. I just want the rock and roll side of me to coexist peacefully with the Christian side of me, because I am not giving either of them up.
I'm Catholic. I'm Rock and roll. I'm ME.
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