I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad?
I'm only happy when it rains"
Garbage-"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"
Ahh, spring. Well, at least I think it is!
So far this spring, we have seemed to have more snowy days and dreary days as opposed to sunny days, spring-like days. Seeing everybody shuffling around in bulbous parkas and knit hats as opposed to spring jackets and spring outfits makes every day seem like the forced oppression of the forces of Mother Nature, who seems to have imbibed one too many bottles of absinthe with the wacky weather we have been having.
To borrow a quote from Patrick Henry, give me spring or give me death!
This year, I have been trying to cultivate a new attitude. I try to do so every year, and every year I don't think I succeed. It's not that the spirit is not willing, but the flesh is very weak. Instead of going into spring with a fresh attitude and brimming with energy like I hoped I would, I've stumbled out of the blocks once again. I'm sure some who know me well are thinking "He's being negative again" but that is not the case here, I assure you. In my writing, you will always get the honest me, and I can't lie to you good people.
In 2015, it was migraines. In 2016, it was a bout with sepsis that could have killed me due to poor dental health. In 2017, pain started to creep in to the equation. In 2018, chronic ear and sinus issues that might be tied to allergies. Something physical always seems to happen to take the wind out of my motivational sails in the early part of the year. Time to put the kibosh on that. No more pain, Mr. Spaeder (inside prog rock joke hahaha).
I am blessed beyond belief and am the happiest I have been in a long time because I realize how thankful I am for my family, friends, home, and band. Those four things, along with my faith in God, keep me centered. They are my laser focus. I want to use those feelings of thankfulness to springboard forward and create some new and better habits. With the gifts I have been blessed with, there is no reason or excuse to be depressed.
So, I set some lofty goals for this year. Exercise more and get in shape is one of them. Yet, every day when I get home, I am wiped out and drained from the work day, with working out being the furthest thing on my mind. Every new year I resolve to do this, as I want to stay attractive for my wife, in shape to handle the rigors of drumming, and I still want to be able to fit into a pair of leather pants without looking like a rock star past his prime. Yet, the energies and stresses of the day drain the tank of its' will juice.
Honestly, who feels like doing anything when they get home from work? Did not think so. In my case, it's because I gave 8 hours of my life to someone who can tell me what to do and when to do it. When I get home, I call the shots, and relaxing is what I want to do. The couch, the TV, and the XBOX have a really strong and seductive siren call beckoning the urge to be lazy to come out. The big challenge is defeating that urge because it keeps us enslaved to a sedentary lifestyle. Sure, relaxing is great! Who doesn't love a video game, especially you Gen X'ers like myself? Relaxation becomes laziness when it happens all the time. In addition, the slow turn to spring by our pill-popping, reefer smoking, and booze guzzling Mother Nature has not been a help. It has been a hindrance. The change of the calendar should mean a change of seasons, and when one season doesn't want to pick up its ball and go home, it messes not only with the natural order of things, but our emotions and our motivation as well.
Who doesn't want to be active when it is nice out? Get out and walk the dog, ride the bike (I'm just going to buy a new one), go for a walk. It rolls over to when you get back home too! Play the drums, clean the house, go outside and mow the grass. You are getting up and getting active. The sun is an amazing catalyst, especially in spring, when the temperature is just right. With the dreariness of a day like today...well, it's hard to get motivated on a day like this. Instead of our mind saying "get up and go!", our mind says "Aw, mom, do I really have to?" before you shuffle off to do it anyway. Clouds are Mother Nature's party poopers and depressants. Maybe Shirley Manson was just expressing typical Generation X ironic nihilism and angst in the famous Garbage song, but I can't see how one can be happy when it rains, or be motivated when it rains and it is gloomy outside.
Activity should be something we want to do, but in conditions like this, activity becomes something we HAVE to do, like, "Well, I'd better get up and do activity X, because it won't get done by itself, and it needs to be done". I would rather say "Awesome! I can't wait to do this! I'm going to kick ass at it! I own you, activity X!"
I'd love to have a moment to sit down with my friends who are very active i.e. regular runners, workout fanatics, weightlifters, etc., and find out what motivates them and what drives them. In fact, if you are one of those friends who is reading this...drop me a line. I know I will get different philosophies and motivators, but I would love to know, because I envy you. I want your energy. I want your motivation. I want what drives you.
I have goals I want to meet, and a new me I want to create. I have achieved a goal of being secure in the gifts and blessings that I have despite my anxieties telling me otherwise. I am more optimistic for the future than I ever have been before. Mentally, I am in the best place I have been in years. Now, if I could just get the physical aspect of it under control, this will truly be a banner year that is full of great accomplishments.
Oh yeah: Dear Winter, your season is over. Please leave. Make the Jet Stream and weather systems behave the way they are supposed to in early April. Coldest Regards, The people of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
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