The turnover parade marches on...

"When I was a young man (as all good tales begin)
I was taught to hold out my hand
And for my pay I worked an honest day
and took what pittance I could win
Now I'm a working John and I'm a working Joe
and I'm doing what I know
for God and the Economy
Big brother watches over me
And the state protects and feeds me
And my conscience never leaves me
And I'm loyal to the unions
who protect me at all levels"


Jethro Tull-"Working John, Working Joe"


Work.


It's a necessary evil in a world where you must purchase everything to live the "good life", or even just exist at all. In pursuit of that mean green, we push ourselves to the brink day in and day out, both mentally and physically. Every morning, we have to leave the comfort of our homes and the warm embrace of the ones we love to go to a large building full of total strangers and take direction from somebody who probably knows less about the job than you do, but is good at sounding and looking important. It's a world of suits and ties, coffee thermoses, water coolers, laser printers, computers, fax machines, and phones ringing off the hook. It's a world none of us want to enter, but all of us have to. Besides, the mortgage is due and the water bill needs to be paid.

Do I hate my job? Yes and no. Yes, because it takes me away from many other things I would rather be doing. No, because it furnishes ways and means for me to support my family and also pursue my own interests. When someone asks what my career is, I say "musician". Doing this job that I do from day to day is just a means to an end to help fund that career. The day I say "office clerk" is my career, please do me a favor and cut out my tongue so I can never say that again. But, in all seriousness the job is pretty OK. I get good benefits so things are actually not that bad at all. Actually, they are pretty good!


In 2018, I want this to be a new year and a new start. To get that into motion, I need to overcome a small issue, and endeavor to overcome said issue to the best of my ability.


Social Anxiety is the enemy.


For a while here, even though I was not crazy about my duties themselves, I enjoyed my company here. The other people in my office were pleasant and friendly. My first supervisor was someone who I liked right away, and we were such good friends during his time here we went to a hockey game together. After he left, I got another supervisor who was once a clerk like me. We did not get along well at first, but over time we ended up becoming friends as we had a few things that we bonded over. Yes, she pushed me really hard, and I would push back being the stubborn son of a bitch I can be, but I would always do my job and she came to depend on me more than anyone else in my unit. That made things stressful, but it also meant a lot to me. It made me feel that I actually had a future here and had a chance to move up the ladder. We talked about a lot of things, including personal tragedies that affected us both, our religious faith, and quoted Napoleon Dynamite and Back To The Future a lot. In short, I had an absolute blast working for this supervisor, and I enjoyed the company of those who sat around me. When I had a nervous breakdown, I received a lovely card from all of my co-workers in the unit upon my return. I got lots of help, guidance, and support which helped me become an even better employee. This supervisor even came out to see my band's very first gig! That truly meant a lot to me.


This supervisor also understood my personal issues and did her best to accommodate me to make sure I was comfortable and that the people who ran the office understood what I deal with. That made everything mean so much more. I knew I had people around me who cared. It made me want to work even harder to make my supervisor and co-workers happy.


Unfortunately, she received a new position eventually, and while I was happy for her as a friend, inside I was devastated. I wasn't just losing a supervisor, I was losing a friend, someone who cared. That is hard to come by at a job. The day she left I did shed a few tears as I wondered where I would go from here. I lost not only a great supervisor and a friend, but I also lost someone who looked out for me and helped me out when times would get tough. I also lost someone who I enjoyed joking around with.


Then, the walls went up.

One by one, things happened that changed my demeanor. Even before my supervisor left, I was moved to another part of the office. Instead of being around people whom I had gotten to know and enjoyed the company of, I was stuck by a window, and in this drafty building it is freezing cold in the winter, but also blazing hot in the summer. The people who would wish me a hearty "Good morning" every day no longer came around to do so. Then, the turnover parade started happening. People whom I had gotten used to and built good working relationships with were moving on to other departments. In their place were new hires whom I were unfamiliar with. I guess it is kind of like serving in a unit of soldiers, you get used to the people you are with for a long time because you have fought along side them like comrades in arms. It's the same in an office, because you face challenges together and get toughened by them and build bonds. When a new person comes in, you are like "Who are you? What do you know about what we do?". The walls I built got even higher.


The turnover parade started hitting management then. From 2012 to 2016, I had one supervisor and one manager whom I was familiar with, had a great relationship with, and who cared about me and my well-being. I wanted to do my best for them and give them my best. Then, my supervisor moved on. Next, my manager, whom had promised to help me advance in my job and look out for me after I had ran into a disciplinary problem due to an unclear rule that I unknowingly broken, decided to move on. Since 2016, I have had 3 different supervisors and 3 different managers. It has been like playing for a team that has had 3 head coaches in a season. I have had no time to get used to any of them or learn their styles of leadership. It is hard to stay motivated when you don't know who you are working for. On top of it, you have people who are in charge of you, who are supposed to know more than you, asking you "Why did you do this?" Well first off, because you told me to, and second, you are the supervisor, you tell me.

The walls were now completely enclosed. Work was now a prison, a bastille.


All of this made me go from the office joker who loved to make others laugh to the surly worker who sits in his cube and snaps at everyone, doesn't talk to anyone, and cares not for others in his office, nor his job. That is not the person I want to be, but back to social anxiety...

The only time I really have social anxiety is when I am around people I don't know who I do not share a common bond or interest with. At concerts or festivals, no problem! I love talking to people at events like that, we're all brothers and sisters who love music! At a sporting event? You bet! We're all cheering for the same team! We're united in a common purpose, to cheer our team to victory. In environments like that, the need to bond with others is infectious. You feed off of that positive energy like a lion feeds on a wounded antelope.

Yet, at work, or other places where I feel like the odd man out, I feel no common denominator, no awesome band or winning a championship to draw us together and make us talk to each other and get to know each other.

"Hey everybody...Who wants to go to a sports bar to talk about the exciting world of vehicle registration?" Show of hands, now! *sound of crickets chirping*

Doesn't sound like great pub banter, does it? My first supervisor and I had ice hockey as our common interest, so we went to a game together and had an awesome time. My second and longest serving supervisor had 80s movies and silly quotes to bond over, as well as the quality that all of my friends seize upon, the ease of making me the butt of a joke. Fun stuff. Makes the day much more enjoyable. I don't have that anymore. Yes, people come around and compliment my daughter Lily's pictures, but that is about it.

This year, I want to change that around. I want to laugh again here, because a job that is tough is lightened much more when humor abounds. I want people to see who I really am, a good person who loves his family and loves music and sports and travelling, not a surly son of a bitch who would rather not talk to anyone. I want to make friends again here, like I did before. I hear stories of how much my wife enjoys the company of the people she works with, and stories of how social other friends are with their co-workers. I want that, too.

I guess what it takes is trying to find common ground to bond over and trying my best to be more friendly, because nobody likes a sourpuss. I'm already working on that, and with the help of my therapist I think I can make progress this year. I mean, the sad truth is we spend more hours a day with the people we work with than we do with our own families. That means you have to try to make the most of your time with the people you work with and try to make the best of a tough job. Maybe we can bond over how difficult things have become at the workplace and join together to fight in our own way to make things more comfortable. Who knows, out of that maybe friendships will develop, like army buddies who shared a foxhole on the beaches of Normandy.

It can happen. It will happen. I am going to make it happen, or at least try my best. Time to make my job great again...it will be huge! HUGE! And the walls...will be torn down. It will be beautiful. And the turnover parade...It will be over.