Holy Week reflection (Final part)

"Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus inside the praetorium* and gathered the whole cohort around him. They stripped off his clothes and threw a scarlet military cloak* about him. Weaving a crown out of thorns,* they placed it on his head, and a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” They spat upon him* and took the reed and kept striking him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the cloak, dressed him in his own clothes, and led him off to crucify him."
Gospel of St. Matthew chapter 27, verses 27-31


God's blessings to you all. No matter what your faith or lack of faith is, I love you all.


Today it is time to reflect on the Last Supper, the institution of the Holy Eucharist. The lamb that was eaten on Passover through generations is about to be replaced by the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world. Then, we will consider the crucifixion and death of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Christian writers and scholars have written about these two moments in salvation history a million times over, and each of them will do it better than I will. My goal is not to try to improve upon them nor to contradict them, but to reflect on these two moments as I see them, in my own words.

Jesus knew that his time on Earth with his Apostles was limited, so they gathered in the Upper Room to celebrate the Passover feast according to the Jewish custom. Matthew 26:26-30: "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, “Take and eat; this is my body.”*Then he took a cup, gave thanks,* and gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, from now on I shall not drink this fruit of the vine until the day when I drink it with you new in the kingdom of my Father.” Then, after singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives." As a fairly devout Catholic, I believe that this was when the Eucharist was instituted, the foundation of the holy sacrifice of the Mass. However, you may notice that something strange happens. What is it, you ask?


According to Jewish custom, the Passover feast is split into four parts, revolving around the consumption of four cups of wine: The Cup of Sanctification (the kiddish), the Cup of Proclamation (the haggadah), the Cup of Blessing (the berakah), and the Cup of Praise (the hallel). When Jesus and His Apostles celebrated the Passover, only THREE cups of wine were consumed at the Passover meal between Christ and His Disciples. This is documented in both the Gospels of Matthew and Mark.


Why would Jesus do this, being a devout Jew and the Son of God? Surely, He knew that they had not finished the Passover feast. Was Jesus troubled due to anxiety because of the soon to be coming events? Was He in a hurry? Was He careless? No, far from it. Trust in Christ...He knows what He is doing. Follow me here, my friends.


The time was drawing near, and the anticipation and anxiety among Our Lord and His Apostles was so thick, you could cut it with a knife as they headed towards the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus tells them that their faith will be shaken, but Peter, ambitious apostle he was, tells the Lord that he will not deny Him, but Our Lord knows Simon Peter even better than he knows himself. “Amen, I say to you, this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times", Jesus says in Matthew 26:34. In his head, Simon Peter was probably thinking "No way. You are the Lord. I am with you to the end."
Now, in the Garden, when Jesus goes to pray, notice that he makes the same prayer three times. "My Father,* if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” Three times. Remember that number. The agony in His voice grows with each passing prayer, and blood is seeping from His pores like sweat. Can you imagine what He was going through? Even though He knew that was His destiny, you can bet the human side of Our Lord was a little scared about losing His life. Who among us would not have been? In spite of it all, He will still go forth willingly to His fate. Surely, He also probably took a look around after seeing His Disciples asleep thinking "These people claim to follow me and stay with me to the end, yet here they are dozing off at a time I need them the most. Father, please forgive them". Yet, while He does admonish them for their laziness, He does not criticize them. This was all happening for a divine reason. This needed to happen. Scripture and prophecy demanded it.


Matthew 26:47-56: While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived, accompanied by a large crowd, with swords and clubs, who had come from the chief priests and the elders of the people. His betrayer had arranged a sign with them, saying, “The man I shall kiss is the one; arrest him.” Immediately he went over to Jesus and said, “Hail, Rabbi!”* and he kissed him. Jesus answered him, “Friend, do what you have come for.” Then stepping forward they laid hands on Jesus and arrested him. And behold, one of those who accompanied Jesus put his hand to his sword, drew it, and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his ear. Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its sheath, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father and he will not provide me at this moment with more than twelve legions of angels? But then how would the scriptures be fulfilled which say that it must come to pass in this way?” At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to seize me? Day after day I sat teaching in the temple area, yet you did not arrest me. But all this has come to pass that the writings of the prophets may be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples left him and fled." All of the remaining eleven had left Jesus hanging high and dry. You have to wonder what He was feeling, maybe abandoned, maybe disappointed, but all of this had to pass in this manner. Our Lord was taken away to face the wrath of the Sanhedrin.


Then, Simon Peter, the one who said would be with Our Lord through thick and thin, pretended Jesus was a complete stranger by denying Him three times when he was questioned about who Jesus was. Simon Peter, devastated by the truth of Jesus's prediction, fled as well, weeping.


The sufferings of Our Lord went through had only just begun though: facing Pontius Pilate and the crowds who preferred a murderer and a criminal be released as opposed to Jesus, who had committed no crime. Matthew 27:15-26: Now on the occasion of the feast the governor was accustomed to release to the crowd one prisoner whom they wished. And at that time they had a notorious prisoner called Barabbas. So when they had assembled, Pilate said to them, “Which one do you want me to release to you, Barabbas, or Jesus called Messiah?” For he knew that it was out of envy that they had handed him over. While he was still seated on the bench, his wife sent him a message, “Have nothing to do with that righteous man. I suffered much in a dream today because of him.” The chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowds to ask for Barabbas but to destroy Jesus. The governor said to them in reply, “Which of the two do you want me to release to you?” They answered, “Barabbas!” Pilate said to them, “Then what shall I do with Jesus called Messiah?” They all said, “Let him be crucified!” But he said, “Why? What evil has he done?” They only shouted the louder, “Let him be crucified!” When Pilate saw that he was not succeeding at all, but that a riot was breaking out instead, he took water and washed his hands in the sight of the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood. Look to it yourselves.” And the whole people said in reply, “His blood be upon us and upon our children.” Then he released Barabbas to them, but after he had Jesus scourged,* he handed him over to be crucified." How could the people do this? How could we do this? A man who owed no debt to society being forced to this fate? At Palm Sunday mass, we always read a narrative of the crucifixion, and every time I read it I get a lump in my throat, because not only did the people of Jerusalem prefer Barabbas over Jesus, WE prefer Barabbas over Jesus whenever we try to go against God's will. For us it is like taking the nails and hammering them in ourselves.


After being mocked and scourged by the soldiers in the Pratoreum, the long and lonely walk to Calvary began. What was going through the mind of Jesus? Was He looking at us all with sadness, thinking about the mistake the people were making in having Him crucified? Was He looking at us with pity and shame? If so, we rightly would have deserved it! This crime that is about to be perpetrated by the Romans is deicide, the killing of God. Our Lord, our Savior, our King was given to us, and we rejected Him. We preferred the company of a criminal instead. Soon, Our Lord arrived at Golgatha for the final stage of His life on Earth, to be crucified for no crime. Matthew 27:33-38: And when they came to a place called Golgotha (which means Place of the Skull), they gave Jesus wine to drink mixed with gall.* But when he had tasted it, he refused to drink."

Time out...remember that. Once again, He refused the wine.


Continuing: "After they had crucified him, they divided his garments* by casting lots; then they sat down and kept watch over him there. And they placed over his head the written charge* against him: This is Jesus, the King of the Jews. Two revolutionaries* were crucified with him, one on his right and the other on his left."


To the disciples and to probably even Jesus Himself, all seemed lost. All of His wise teachings, all of the miracles, all of the wisdom He gave the people who listened to Him speak, probably all seemed for naught at this time. The sky grew dark over Jerusalem. It was 3:00 PM.


Matthew 27:45-50: From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”* which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Some of the bystanders who heard it said, “This one is calling for Elijah.” Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge; he soaked it in wine, and putting it on a reed, gave it to him to drink. But the rest said, “Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him.” But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice, and gave up his spirit."


Notice, that this time, up on the cross, Jesus drank the wine. He had finally consumed the 4th cup. The New Passover had been completed. Think about how awesome a gift the Eucharist is! When you go up to receive the Eucharist at Mass, you CONSUME the NEW Passover Lamb! How amazing is that? How cool is that? You go back in time 2,000 years to the Upper Room and the foot of Calvary to participate in the definitive Passover feast when you consume Jesus, body, blood, soul and divinity! The ordinary lamb from Passover feasts of years past was replaced by The Lamb Of God, who takes away the sins of the world. Amazing, absolutely amazing. THAT is why Good Friday is truly good.


Back to Matthew 27:51-54: And behold, the veil of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom.* The earth quaked, rocks were split, tombs were opened, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised. And coming forth from their tombs after his resurrection, they entered the holy city and appeared to many. The centurion and the men with him who were keeping watch over Jesus feared greatly when they saw the earthquake and all that was happening, and they said, “Truly, this was the Son of God!” 


Yeah...I bet those centurions who were guarding Jesus on the cross must have been thinking "Oops. We're in trouble now. We murdered the Messiah." They had done the job they were ordered to do, but you can be sure that those soldiers did not get much sleep that night!


When I was at the passion play, the sight that gave me a lump in my throat was a sight I had seen many times on small statues, but even seeing it represented on stage in a theatrical form took me back 2,000 years. I was no longer in a theater. I was at Calvary, watching Jesus being taken down from the cross. I was watching His bloodied body being laid at the feet of His Mother. I saw Her tears and Her pain, looking at the lifeless body of Her son. The pieta had come to life right before my eyes. It was a powerful moment. It made me resolve to reflect more deeply on the meaning of Holy Week and the events that take place.

It made me reflect on the journey that Jesus took into the city of Jerusalem, a truly royal entrance for the King of Kings.


It made me reflect on the sufferings He faced during His public ministry. Make no mistake, He did suffer. Long journeys with little food, a group of followers who questioned His every word, a hostile public, and so-called holy men who wanted Him arrested and murdered. Then, he was whipped, beaten, mocked, spit upon, and insulted. He was forced to carry a heavy cross and walk a long distance. His hands and feet were nailed through. Do you know how you die by crucifixion? Not by being nailed to the cross, but by the sheer effort it takes to keep yourself and your body upright. You struggle to breathe, your lungs fill with fluid, and you suffocate. That is quite a brutal and cruel way to die. He truly suffered. The blood that He shed on the cross was real blood, and He was truly man as well as truly God. So yes, He suffered just like you and I do. After this Holy Week, I appreciate what Jesus went through even more. He went through it all, for you. For me. For us all.


Finally, it also made me reflect on what a great blessing and a gift the Eucharist is. It is not just a piece of bread and a cup of wine and shame on anyone who thinks that. It is our Lord, ready to give Himself to us. He is the Bread of Life, the Living Bread. Do you realize what a gift it is? Maybe next time you sleepily walk up to the priest to receive the Eucharist, you will think about what Christ went through and what the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is. Might make you want to be a little more reverent, huh? The gift...the grace...the beauty...all in the Eucharist. It is truly there.


Thank you everyone for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. I said at the beginning of this that I am not a Biblical scholar, so I hope I did not go off of the rails at all! God bless you and love you all, and have a Blessed Easter season.

Time to stand up...

"Blame me, it's me
Coward, a good for nothing scapegoat
Dumb kid, living a dream
Romantic only on paper
Tell me why you took all that was mine!
Stay as you lay don't lead me astray!"
-Nightwish, "Slaying The Dreamer"






When I was a small child, I had big dreams.




We have a certain innocence when we are children, a bright and optimistic look at the world outside, and the feeling that every new day brings a challenge or a new adventure. Nothing is impossible in the eyes and mind of a child. Now, why can't we have that attitude when we are adults? What is stopping us from having that no-limit attitude?




Well, as a former child with big dreams, I can explain.




I entered kindergarten in 1981 as a 5-year old who had dreams of becoming a race car driver or an astronaut or President of the United States. I graduated from high school in 1994 as a 17-year old who had dreams that he thought had no chance in hell of being fulfilled. At some point in time during that 12-year span, my 5-year old dreams were slain. Who were the dreamslayers?




Bullies. Cliques. The "cool" crowd. The "in" crowd. They were the dreamslayers.

When I was in school, I could not figure out how anyone determined who was cool and who was uncool. Was it predestined? Was it heritage? Or both? True story: When my wife Andrea and I were looking for a house back in 2012-13, I was adamant that we did not move into the school district I grew up in because I did not want children of the kids who bullied me to give Lily a hard time, or peg her to be a loser, just because she was my daughter. It does happen. It has happened. If you gain the reputation of "loser" in school, chances are your children will be branded as well, and I did not want my daughter to suffer from my reputation. I did not want her dreams to be slain.




Did I have friends growing up? Yes, I did. Sadly, out of the group of friends I had as a child, only one of them is one I keep in contact with, and is the only one I care to keep in contact with, because they were the first friend I ever made. One of my childhood friends died from brain cancer over 10 years ago and I wept for him even though we hadn't spoken in years. Others moved away and started lives of their own. I look back at them all with fondness and love and hope that their lives are filled with happiness and joy like I have found with my own family and friends that I have now.




Yet, my circle was small. Also, given the caste system nature of kid-dom between the cool and the uncool, I was sometimes cast out by my own friends, because they were trying to establish themselves with the cool people. Looking back on it, I forgive them all, but at the time, even my friends were dreamslayers. It was very hurtful at the time, and it still causes me trust issues and questioning how true my friendships are to this day, but I hold no malice or dislike towards anyone, and I look forward to a tearful reunion with my oldest friend. If they are reading this, I love you my friend, and I cannot wait to see you again and for you to meet my family.




The things I was interested in as a child were not too much different than other boys my age: Tonka trucks, riding a bike, playing ball, sports, going on adventures in my neighborhood, and watching cartoons on Saturday morning. In other ways though, I was different. Back in my time, children were not aware of world matters, yet I would watch the news with strong interest and be interested in maps, history, and the economy. You could say I was an aware and socially conscious child before being a socially conscious and aware child was cool. Nobody else I knew was watching Tom Brokaw or Peter Jennings at 6:30 in the evening. Nowadays, I would be a pretty popular kid. Yet, back in the 1980s, other children just did not have the time of day for anything that wasn't related to cartoons, toys, video games, the latest hit record, or the latest cool trend or fashion. Because of that, I was considered a nerd, mainly because I would be so excited about what I learned from the news and wanted to share it with everyone. I have a feeling those around me found it tiresome. I also had no interest in rebelling against an authority or going against whatever my parents or teachers would say, so I was considered a "teacher's pet" and a "mama's boy". I was constantly teased about my hair, my lack of physique, my odd interests, my ineptitude in sports, and my willingness to obey parents and teachers.

As I got older, the taunting became replaced by fists. I became public enemy number one to some dude in 6th grade whom I had never met or known before in my life! What the hell? People who didn't even know me were starting to hate me. What the hell did I do? How did I piss in that guy's corn flakes? That was pretty much the routine for my middle school years, dodging bullies, running home from school, being afraid to enter certain parts of town because I was not well liked there. It's hard to hold on to the want to make your dreams come true when all around you are trying to destroy them.




Fast forward to high school, and even keeping a low-profile there did not keep me from becoming a target. Since I was never with a girl, my sexuality was questioned. I was accused of committing a lewd act on a high school field trip and fornicating with a sheep at the York Fair, and people BELIEVED IT, even though I had never even been to York at that point in my life. I was even sexually harassed. What the hell did I do to deserve this? Was this going to go on for the rest of my life? If so, bye bye dreams! Who would hire someone who was accused and "convicted" of bestiality by his peers(though I had not attended the York Fair until many years later with my fiancée)? What I would not have given for someone to reach out to me and not let the bullshit that others told them influence their thoughts, and try to be my friend. Psychologically, it all still affects me to this day, but somehow I have over come it, even though scars remain that have me doubting my wife, daughter, or my friends will even be by my side the next day. What if it is all a big trick perpetrated by those who bullied me in my youth?




Now I told you that story to tell you this one. With the rash of school violence that has been splashed across our headlines, I think it is high time to talk about this. You might not like my opinion, but as someone who grew up as a bullying victim, I have to stand up. I am not influenced by the media (I stopped watching the news a long time ago) or anyone I know. I am solely influenced by my core values and belief in God.




First off, God bless the children who participated in walkouts and marched on Washington. It warms my heart to see children follow the news and be informed unlike many of my generation at that age. Hell, if I was still going to school, I would join them. We didn't go to school to be targets for madmen, we went to be educated and see our friends. To see people call them "crisis actors" and "parts of a conspiracy" makes me want to throw up. How dare you? HOW DARE YOU? Be glad that minds are being spoken even if you don't agree with them. So, God bless them and watch over them. While I may support the 2nd amendment, I also support common sense gun control measures as I consider the safety of my daughter and the children of others more important than my right to carry an Armalite. I don't even want one.

Now, here comes the part that might make a lot of people want to hunt me down like they did in school: I also support the spirit of the message of "Walk Up, Not Out". Why? First off, I am NOT trying to blame victims. I am NOT saying that what happened in Parkland was the fault of the people who were victims. That kid was not a forlorn bullying victim, there was something not right in his mind. He was into lots of things that are not just abnormal, but also dangerous and hateful. I myself would not want to "walk up" to him. As they said in Cool Hand Luc, some men you just can't reach. Having said that, as someone who was a terminal bullying victim, I have to stand up for myself and all other victims of bullying.




I wasn't into hateful stuff as a child and never started being into it. I was bullied because I wasn't cool, and not being cool is still a social death penalty in schools. That is not right. Why do you pick on someone who doesn't have the latest fashion or the newest album or the latest generation smart phone? Did you think that maybe their parents do not have enough money? Maybe their parents are unemployed. Maybe they worry more about feeding their children than making sure that they are clothed in the latest styles. A parent's job is to make sure their child is well fed, clothed, healthy, and educated, not to make sure they have all the latest swag. So what if their parents didn't pull up to school in the newest car? Does it run? Does it get them where it needs to go? Then it's good enough, is it? No need to make Junior feel like a loser because of it. Shame on you.




I was bullied for being different. Being different is cool to me. Why should we all look the same like people marching off to work in Chairman Mao's China? When everyone wears and listens to the same thing, it isn't cool to me anymore. Not all different people are neo-Nazis in the making or wanting to shoot up their school. As someone who is one of the different and one of the outcasts, do not judge us by one lone nutcase. Try to seek out the different ones and make them your friends. Knowing interesting people is the spice of life. I love having friends who are different than I am in many ways because you learn new things. Remember, a closed mind is an empty mind!




Of course, there will always be the one outcast who can not be reached, and is in to dangerous things and is a threat to yourself and to others. Report them, do whatever it takes to get them either incarcerated or somewhere where they cannot hurt others. HOWEVER, DO NOT pigeon hole all of us who are different and who aren't run of the mill and do not have the newest gadgets or threads as someone who will pop off and start shooting people. Even in my darkest hours of being bullied and tormented, the thought never crossed my mind. If anything, I would have hurt myself as opposed to anyone else.

What troubles me the most about people who call people who are saying "Walk Up, Not Out" a bunch of heartless victim blamers who want to piss all over the graves of dead children just to protect gun rights is this: It sounds almost like you are giving a big A-OK stamp of approval to bullying and not reaching out to those who are different and those to whom a simple "Hello" or a "Good morning" or a "How are you feeling today?" would mean a world of difference. Because of the few, are you alienating the many who are different and aren't dangerous and just would like to have a friend to share their life and their interests with? That concerns me heavily, especially as a bullying victim who is still working to try and rebuild his mental life. I've heard many other people whom are victims of bullying also echo that sentiment, and are afraid to say it because they don't want to be ostracized again. We don't want to be bullying victims again in adulthood. I saw the post of one person I know share their experience yesterday, and it struck me in the heart. It inspired me to stand up and say my piece about this and be silent no more.




Yes, I want to see common sense measures to stop school violence, including certain gun control measures. Yes, I support the students speaking their minds and fighting for something they believe in as opposed to having their face buried in a smart phone. However, YES, I also support students doing whatever they can to reach out to the students who are bullied and have no friends and show them that someone cares about them. After going through the hell I went through growing up, how can I not? Yet, I will be damned if you will call ME and anyone else who has endured bullying and torture in school a victim blamer just because we want to see the bullied and the ostracized be treated with respect and kindness. Don't turn the bullied into the bully.




"We are the others,
We are the cast outs,
We're the outsiders
But you can't hide us,
We are the others,
We are the cast outs
You're not out there on your own
If you feel mistreated,
Torn and cheated,
You're not alone,
We are the others (we are the others)"


Delain-"We Are The Others"

Holy Week Reflection (Part 2)

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her young under her wings, but you were unwilling! Behold, your house will be abandoned, desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’”
Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter 23, verses 37-39


When He entered Jerusalem, riding on a donkey and being greeted with raised palms and shouts of "Hosanna!", one could figure that Our Lord Jesus could have easily become the King of the Jewish people and would have lived a long life on the throne, guiding His people with His steady hand. In a certain sense, you would be correct, but as we know, His throne was not of this world. Yet, while the people hung on every word of Jesus with awe and amazement, the chief priests, Pharisees, Sadducees, and scribes did everything they could to throw a spanner into the works and prove the words of Jesus Christ to be a sham, a falsehood, and a canard. One by one, they lined up their questioning, and one by one He knocked them out of the park. You can sense that even a humble and holy man would have grown irritated at the situation, but Our Lord was not your typical humble and holy man. He was humble and holy, yes, but he was also true God and true man. So, yes, I believe our Lord was starting to grow thin on patience after the intense period of testing and questioning He was put through. Even He had to be thinking "what do I have to do. Father?"


Well, unlike you or I, who would have probably lost the plot by now, Our Lord responded by giving His most passionate sermon. He did not mince words.


Consider Matthew 23:2-12: "The scribes and the Pharisees have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens* [hard to carry] and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen. They widen their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues, greetings in marketplaces, and the salutation ‘Rabbi.’ As for you, do not be called ‘Rabbi.’ You have but one teacher, and you are all brothers. Call no one on earth your father; you have but one Father in heaven. Do not be called ‘Master’; you have but one master, the Messiah. The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted."


So, He DOES acknowledge the authority of the scribes and the Pharisees. He gives them their due. They ARE people of authority as they are on the seat of Moses. It is only right and proper then to do what they outline for the faithful to do. Jesus then starts giving them a proverbial kick up the backside by telling everyone not to do as they do. You almost have to wonder what He was thinking when He came into Jerusalem and saw these men, these leaders of the faith community, doing their best to be seen, to stick out in the crowd. He had to be thinking "Goodness, these rabbis, it seems like they have forgotten why they are here. They should be ministering to the faithful, but instead they seem to be more interested in power and prestige. What has happened to them? This has got to change." Obviously the scribes and the Pharisees seemed to be a lot like modern day politicians, more interested in money and power as opposed to helping the people. So, Our Lord tells them to be exalted, they need to humble themselves and take on the form of servants. A simple, but bold and powerful message.

Was Our Lord finished in His diatribe? Oh no, He continued to speak of His displeasure towards the Pharisees and scribes. So, if you ever feel like it is wrong to be angry, recall how Our Lord felt when He saw what the chief priests in Jerusalem were doing to His Father's faith! This was divine anger, righteous anger! It is as if God came to Earth Himself and gave the Pharisees and scribes a piece of His mind...oh wait, He did in the form of Jesus Christ. So yes, He DID come to Earth to put these leaders of the faithful into line. Matthew 23:13-36: "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You lock the kingdom of heaven* before human beings. You do not enter yourselves, nor do you allow entrance to those trying to enter. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You traverse sea and land to make one convert, and when that happens you make him a child of Gehenna twice as much as yourselves. “Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘If one swears by the temple, it means nothing, but if one swears by the gold of the temple, one is obligated.’ Blind fools, which is greater, the gold, or the temple that made the gold sacred? And you say, ‘If one swears by the altar, it means nothing, but if one swears by the gift on the altar, one is obligated.’ You blind ones, which is greater, the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? One who swears by the altar swears by it and all that is upon it; one who swears by the temple swears by it and by him who dwells in it; one who swears by heaven swears by the throne of God and by him who is seated on it. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You pay tithes* of mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity. [But] these you should have done, without neglecting the others. Blind guides, who strain out the gnat and swallow the camel! “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, cleanse first the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may be clean. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of filth. Even so, on the outside you appear righteous, but inside you are filled with hypocrisy and evildoing. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees,* you hypocrites. You build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the memorials of the righteous, and you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have joined them in shedding the prophets’ blood.’ Thus you bear witness against yourselves that you are the children of those who murdered the prophets; now fill up what your ancestors measured out! You serpents, you brood of vipers, how can you flee from the judgment of Gehenna? Therefore, behold, I send to you prophets and wise men and scribes; some of them you will kill and crucify, some of them you will scourge in your synagogues and pursue from town to town, so that there may come upon you all the righteous blood shed upon earth, from the righteous blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, the son of Barachiah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar. Amen, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation."


I can't really elaborate on that, other than it is quite obvious that Our Lord is pretty upset with the scribes and Pharisees! Before He spoke this passage, you can bet His thoughts were like "Look at you. You scribes and Pharisees think you are so holy, so perfect, and so powerful. You think that those who came before you were the fools, but I see the fools right in front of me. Listen to what I am saying, because your ministry and your soul depends on it. You are heading down a very dark path." Yet, I do not think the anger Our Lord felt was with malice. On the contrary, I think He said what He did out of love. Tough love, but love none the less. We can relate to that nowadays, when we deal with bad priests, ministers, or clergy. When we see an abuse of the liturgy or another practice of the faith being done incorrectly, we have a duty to our faith to speak out, but with love and concern. We love our priests and we want them to be the best! So, don't be afraid to call someone out when they are doing wrong.

Then, it seems almost that Our Lord has given up in Matthew 23:37-39 "“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her young under her wings, but you were unwilling! Behold, your house will be abandoned, desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’” He sounds just like a parent who has told their child again and again to stop doing something, but they remain ignorant, so He gives them a stern warning for Jerusalem to mend its ways. Jesus, though, has not "given up". If anything, Jerusalem has given up.


Some of you may say to me "Hey, you skipped over a lot of great parables and other parts of his preaching." Correct, but if I went into every part of his public ministry during His final days, this entry would take a month to write. So, I am doing my best to hit upon moments where I can focus on Jesus and His humanity and His emotions. Please bear with me. We will soon be entering the Upper Room to observe the Passover between Jesus and The Twelve. But before that, after the public verbal flogging that Our Lord had given the chief priests and scribes, they were not exactly happy with this stranger just waltzing in and bringing rain down on their parade. Once again, who does he think he is? This guy is a threat to us and our way of life. We like things just the way they are. We need to deal with this problem once and for all.


Soon, the chief priests found an unlikely ally in their want to rid themselves of Jesus and his "blasphemy"...one of the Twelve, one of Jesus's chosen, Judas Iscariot. Matthew 26:14-17: "Then one of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot,* went to the chief priests and said, “What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?” They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over." However, many biblical scholars and historians believe that it was more than the promise of money that caused Judas to betray Our Lord. It is widely believed that Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus because Our Lord was not the Messianic King of the Old Testament who would overthrow the tyranny of Roman rule. I am trying to imagine myself in Judas's position here, so please forgive me. Imagine yourself a young man, growing up on the teachings of the elders, and reading in the sacred texts that one day, a king will come. For years, you wait and wait. Then, a man arrives who seems to be coming in power, with knowledge and wisdom. You follow him, thinking he is the one that will lead you and your kin out of bondage. You witness miracles that you would not believe if you had not seen them with your own eyes. You anticipate the day that he will take up the sword and lead a rebellion, but that day never comes. You start to grow weary of his preaching and his words because they are not leading to action. Soon, you decide that he is not the Messiah that you have been told would come, so you decide to turn him in for being a fraud, a blasphemer. I think that is the mindset that Judas had when he betrayed Jesus. I also think that, when we decide to sin, we all develop that mindset, we think we know better than Our Lord so we decide to betray Him.

Well, no matter what drove Judas to betrayal, the chief priests finally had a mole within The Twelve that would help them win the day and rid them of Jesus. If Our Lord were just an ordinary man, they would be right. Our Lord was on to the whole plot right from the word go, not to save His own skin, but because He needed to be. The Passover had begun, and a Passover lamb was needed, and Jesus was that Lamb.


In the next segment of my reflection, we will consider the Upper Room, the arrest of Our Lord, and His Passion on Calvary. I truly hope you are enjoying my reflection on Holy Week. God bless you all.

Lenten Reflection (Part 1)

“You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment.
The second is like it:* You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”
-Gospel of St. Matthew chapter 22, verses 37-40.


Well, Holy Week is upon us. The week that changed the world. The most powerful event in human history and salvation history took place on this very week. That event is the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus. For those that do not understand, no explanation is possible. For those who do, no explanation is necessary.

With this entry, I am not going to try and please all of the people all of the time. Some of you may like what I have to say, others might wonder if I had lost my mind. Now that I have said that, what I am going to do is meditate here on the events of Holy Week and what they mean to me. My favorite gospel in Sacred Scripture has always been the Gospel of Matthew. No, it is not because the gospel was written by my namesake. It is because it is the gospel that shows off the most of Jesus' humanity. Yes, He is truly God, but He is also truly man. The two natures cannot be separated.


Now, I will beg your pardon, especially if you are well-versed in the Bible and in theology. Chances are you will forget more about Scripture than I will ever know.


What I write will be focusing on Jesus the man, as opposed to Jesus, the Son of God. I wonder many things about Him, and I wonder what was going through His mind from Palm Sunday to the time He breathed out His last on the cross at Calvary. Could He have gone through the same emotions we would if we were in His situation? Did He suffer any anxieties? Did He get angry? Did He ever have it in His mind that what He was doing was not worth going through?


First off, I have to say yes. He was true God and true Man. Being a man, Jesus was susceptible to all of the same emotions the rest of us humans are. You had to figure there was anticipation and anxiety on His mind. He was every bit of a human as you and I are, just without the stain of original sin. Emotions are not sins, so you must be wondering what He was feeling. What sets Him apart from the rest of us was how He responded to it.


Scripture tells us He had moments of emotion just like you and I would have. Consider the death of His friend Lazarus in John chapter 11. The shortest verse in Scripture: And Jesus wept. His friend was dead. The Son of God wept for the loss of His friend just like you or I would. But, what made Him different was, of course, how He reacted to it. Instead of going into hysterics or a deep depression, we read "“Father, I thank you for hearing me.
I know that you always hear me; but because of the crowd here I have said this, that they may believe that you sent me. And when he had said this, he cried out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” Jesus had thanked His Father, and explained why He was doing what he was doing, to show the people that He was who He said He was, that he was not fooling around.

We all have our days where we are angry. Be it we are cut off in traffic, dealing with difficult people at work, or the guy at McDonald's got our order wrong, we have many little things that make us want to go into a rage. Even Jesus had one of those moments, but while we obsess and moan over little problems in the grand scheme of it all, He was driven to his actions by love for His Father and His Father's House. Matthew 21:12: "Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all those engaged in selling and buying there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. And he said to them, “It is written: ‘My house shall be a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of thieves.” For sure, Jesus had quite a good reason for His rage in the Temple, because what was supposed to be a place for contemplation and prayer was being turned into a marketplace. If He saw the TV preachers who supposedly proclaim His word today, I am sure Jesus would have the same reaction. Yet, He had a moment where He was angry, just like you and I do.


However, while many moments of Jesus's public ministry were documented in the Scriptures, there are times when I wonder, what was going on in His mind? That was not documented for the most part. I am apprehensive about talking on this matter because I do not want to be seen as a blasphemer or trying to write a new gospel. That is not the case, so just indulge me. This is meant to be a meditation, trying to contemplate the major moments of Jesus' ministry as if I was there in 33 A.D. watching all of this happen as an outside observer. How would we react if we were in those circumstances, if we were like a journalist trying to report on these incredible events in the Jerusalem Post? To do that, we have to at least try to stand in His place.


It is difficult for someone like you or I to put ourselves in His position, because He was a man greater than any of us could hope to be. I know if I was Him, I would probably be starting to grow weary of it all. To have twelve men follow you around and claim to be obedient and hanging on your every word, but at the same time also question every thing you tell them like an incorrigible child...no thanks! I'd be telling them to shut up and listen or I'm asking my Father to find someone to take my place. Thank God it was Jesus who was chosen for this mission by His Heavenly Father, because only Jesus was the right man for the task. You or I? We could not handle it.


Consider His entrance into Jerusalem. Matthew 21:8-11: "The very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and strewed them on the road. The crowds preceding him and those following kept crying out and saying: “Hosanna* to the Son of David; blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord; hosanna in the highest.” And when he entered Jerusalem the whole city was shaken* and asked, “Who is this?” And the crowds replied, “This is Jesus the prophet,* from Nazareth in Galilee.” Now, I am sure that Our Lord was amazed by this outpouring of affection and love from the people of Jerusalem, even if He knew it was foretold. Once again...true God and true man. He had to be thinking to Himself that these people are ready to hear what I have to tell them, and they will be willing listeners. I mean, with a reception like that, how could one not? It was basically a regal welcome, a royal procession. The people of Jerusalem were ready for their new king.


Well, the people were! The chief priests, elders, and scribes? Not so much...they were on a mission to prove that Jesus was a fake and a phony. Full of pride and arrogance, they decided to subject Our Lord to a pretty aggressive equivalent of a game of Twenty Questions. At first they questioned the authority of Jesus, but Jesus calmly went about telling parables, and while each parable contained great knowledge and wisdom, at the end of each of the parables, Jesus did not resist the chance to tell the chief priests and the scribes that their authority was soon coming to an end. The way He would do it was masterful. Matthew 21:32: "When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him." Jesus basically just came and put the taxman and ladies of the night in a higher bracket than the priests and scribes. Ouch! Then, in Matthew 21:43, during the Parable of the Tenants, is even more direct: "Therefore, I say to you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that will produce its fruit. The one who falls on this stone will be dashed to pieces; and it will crush anyone on whom it falls". Yep. If Jesus had a microphone, He would have dropped it. Yet, even if He did have a microphone, nothing of the sort would have happened. Jesus said what He meant and He meant what He said. No more was needed, no fanfare, no pageantry, no drama. That was that. Case closed. The most humble man that ever walked the Earth would not put Himself above others or brag.

Yet, the chief priests, elders, and scribes were undaunted. They were bound and determined to prove Him a farce. This man had just all of a sudden walked into Jerusalem, had the crowds and the people on His side, and was refuting their questions with ease? Who in the world did this Jesus think He was? He's gotta go. More questions came, more parables followed. Then, the Pharisees thought they had Jesus. They thought that they had the question that would trip Him up. No chance He could brush aside this one:
Matthew 22:15-17: Then the Pharisees* went off and plotted how they might entrap him in speech. They sent their disciples to him, with the Herodians,* saying, “Teacher, we know that you are a truthful man and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. And you are not concerned with anyone’s opinion, for you do not regard a person’s status. Tell us, then, what is your opinion: Is it lawful to pay the census tax to Caesar or not?”


Jesus' response pretty much gives away what was going on in His mind here. Even a humble man like Him would have grown annoyed and have thought "Seriously? You guys don't know when to quit do you?" His reply in Matthew 22:18: Knowing their malice, Jesus said, “Why are you testing me, you hypocrites?" He's almost saying "Come on, guys...this is a waste of time. But, if you want to go there..." He replies: Show me the coin that pays the census tax.” Then they handed him the Roman coin. He said to them, “Whose image is this and whose inscription?” They replied, “Caesar’s.”* At that he said to them, “Then repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.”


Once again, Jesus had turned the tables on the scribes and the Pharisees. Yet, they would keep proving the definition of insanity to be true by continuing their questioning. Once again, even Our Lord had to be growing a little perturbed. Still, the Pharisees and the scribes seemed to be gluttons for punishment. The Sadducees questioned Him about the Resurrection, which is covered in Matthew 22:23-33. After that, the Sadducees cried "Enough!" and were silenced. Jesus had to be wondering to himself that maybe, just maybe, people were starting to listen to his message and will take it to heart. But, the Pharisees decided to take one more bite of the apple and ask Jesus about what was the greatest commandment, and then about whom is the Son of David in Matthew 22:34-46. Then, finally, the wisdom of our Lord had won the day, and "No one was able to answer him a word, nor from that day on did anyone dare to ask him any more questions." (Matthew 22:46)

However, after all of that debate, discussion, and argument, you would have to believe that Jesus was quite tired, and his patience quite thin. I know personally that I would be ready to throw hands or ready to cry out "I AM THE SON OF GOD! WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?" Can you imagine how Jesus must felt when he turned to the Pharisees and Sadducees to denounce them? He must have been ready to call down a lightning bolt on them. Yet, no. Humility turned whatever anger was within the heart of our Lord into probably the most impassioned and emotional sermons of His public ministry, which begins in Matthew chapter 23.


To be continued...

I once read Dilbert, now I am living it.

"If only I can keep my head when everyone is losing theirs
If only I can trust my heart when doubting minds are everywhere
If I can keep my eyes in focus everything will turn out fine
If only I can keep my head"


Threshold-"Keep My Head"


Goodbye paperless, hello clueless, mused Dilbert in the famous Scott Adams cartoon. He had no idea how right he was.


I became a fan of the legendary comic strip that satirized the day to day drudgery of office life back when I was an ambitious journalism student going for his associates degree at Harrisburg Area Community College. I don't really know why I did, either. I never worked in an office at that time. I worked in the kitchen at a nursing home. Maybe it was the funky way the characters were drawn. Maybe it was the fact a dog and a cat with glasses were featured. Maybe it was a fact that a dinosaur gave out wedgies. Maybe it was the intellectual humor. Still, I found it hilarious. When the animated show was released, I felt it had jumped the shark and I eventually lost interest, partly because I did not think I would ever be in an office environment.


I was also a fan of the short-lived sitcom Working, which starred Fred Savage of The Wonder Years fame. Once again, even though I had not worked in an office, I found the show quite entertaining. I told myself "Self! Make sure you never get a job working in an office, it will sap the life out of you."

Yep, I was working in a pizza shop as a delivery boy and living off my tips. I was living in the basement of my mom and her partner's house, not really giving a shit to what either of them thought of me. I didn't have to wake up in the morning to go to some 9 to 5 job. I could be lazy and either eventually get in a touring band (though with my drum skills at the time, not a likely thing), or die with a beer bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other. At that time, I thought it was the good life, the life of just doing what you need to get by. I took such rotten care of my health at that time of my life I am amazed I am still here writing about it. Cigarettes and burgers, caffeine and alcohol, going for a couple days without food when I was unemployed because I didn't want to beg my mom for money. At the time, I thought it was the life I wanted, but in retrospect it was a road to an early death. It was a road to suicide by poor living. I thank the Lord that an angel came a long and helped me overcome all of that.

My lovely wife to be at the time, Andrea, told me about the pros and cons of getting an office job. Yes, I would be working the basic 9 to 5 like everyone else, but I would have the same schedule every week and the same paycheck every week. I would also get weekends off. Plus, since this involves living with and eventually marrying this woman who is the love of my life, it is time to start shaping up and flying right. It took a few years, but eventually I was able to become a much more mature and responsible version of myself, someone who was able to become a husband and a father and by the grace of God still is today and will continue to be for the rest of my life.

I started out working in the state's temp pool. While I didn't enjoy the low pay and no benefits, It was still more money than I ever made before and it gave me a chance to cross train and learn how to work in many different departments. Overall, I enjoyed my time there as I made a good impression on all the offices I worked for, and was even thrown a little party for my wedding at the one department I was in. Everyone liked me.

My first permanent job for the DMV was something I wish I could go back to. I was working in the mailing and output department, and I really enjoyed it. I could wear pretty much whatever I wanted, I got to get up and get some exercise, and I made a really good friend while I was there. I had a friend who was a Baltimore Orioles season ticket holder who would hook me up with seats of games he was unable to attend. Great seats too! It was hard work but I enjoyed it because I was working with good people and I had a boss who valued my work. However, after about 2 years, things started to change. New responsibilities were taken by the office and it put too much demands on everyone. As the old Ricky Nelson song went "It was time to leave".

The next department I joined would be my home for the next 6 years. When I first arrived there I was so happy, because I only had one job: data entry. Easy as pie. I figured the next part of my DMV career would be smooth sailing. It ended up being a rough ride. Not because of how I executed my duties, but because working in that department was a major eye opener to how bad things can become. It opened my eyes to double standards. These double standards forever clouded my attitude and for the first time in my life, I started to see how Scott Adams got his inspiration for Dilbert.

I started to be exposed to management decisions that made no sense. My section manager became the equivalent of the pointy haired boss, who made decisions that had no practical reasoning and seemed to be more interested with kibitzing with other section managers talking about their new cars or what they were going to get for lunch. I saw a very good employee railroaded out of her job just because she had the audacity to have a medical problem and take a lot of time off. When she was dismissed without warning one day, I almost cried because how she was treated was so wrong. However, I would see other employees who would be all buddy buddy with the supervisor and come in late all the time get no punishment. I also would see other employees just park themselves at other people's desk for almost an hour at a time and just bullshit with people. Nobody would get disciplined, no supervisors from other units would come looking for their employee, nothing at all. However, me, who would sit diligently at his desk all day and do his job to the best of his ability would get a finger wagging or a cursory remark for just getting up to go get a beverage from the vending machine. After all of this, I started to feel like Alice from Dilbert: "Must control fist of death".

After 6 years of dealing with that circus, I moved to another department which is the one I am at in the present day. Once again, I came into the situation full of confidence and optimism. While I had my stresses from the strain of my position, including a nervous breakdown, I liked everyone I worked with and was treated very well, which I discussed in detail on here before. Then, one by one, the management team here changed. Gone were people who were trained and honed by working in the department and learning every detail. In came people who were here because of who they knew and not what they knew. It is difficult to take orders from people who know less about the job than you. Goodbye productivity, hello meetings that were called out of the blue for no reason. Goodbye tried and true systems that worked, hello to using a million Excel spreadsheets to keep track of everything and heaven forbid if you forget to fill them out! Goodbye being considered the most reliable employee in the unit, hello being questioned all the time if you have done this or that just because you didn't fill out the damn spreadsheet! Goodbye trust, hello distrust. It is almost like the pointy haired boss and Catbert, the evil director of human resources had a love child and put them in charge of everything.

What used to be a well managed and well staffed ship has become a workplace version of the Titanic. When you have people in charge who have no idea of what they are doing, everyone is going to be lost. Morale is going to suffer and people are going to become unhappy. New hires come on to the job, stay a few months, and then leave. I don't bother to get to know anyone due to the fact they aren't here long enough to get familiar. I have someone telling me how to do something I am totally new at doing and the person training me and commanding me on what to do...well, she doesn't know what to do! It's like being trained how to drive by Mr. Magoo. Every day its a fresh new piece of adventure. "Why did you do this? What is this for? Where is this?" No one ever treated me like this before, or treated everyone like this. We used to be the department that was so well trained that we could run ourselves. Now, we are all learning new ways to do this and that and looking like buffoons! It's not that the people in charge are not good people, it's just that you have to have a firm and steady hand guiding the way and that we do not have. Maybe Bob The Dinosaur has to come around delivering wedgies

Looking back, I have no regrets about working here, and I am eternally thankful that I do not have to work as a pizza delivery man anymore. This is the kind of job you have to take if you want to live some form of a comfortable life, and at the end of the day it is being able to provide for yourself and the family that you love that keeps me here. I get passionate about the problems that are happening at the job because I care about it. I want to be the best I can. When you feel like you are being pulled in different directions just because new leadership wants to try new things, it is hard to give your best effort when you don't know what direction you are going in. Also, no matter how hard you try, every decision you make turns out to be the wrong one.

This is my job for the rest of working career, and I want to stay with it and hold on to it because it has helped to bless me with a good life. It has allowed me to achieve my dreams of a wife, a daughter, a home, and an awesome rock band. I want to fight to make this job the best it can be again, and help my department become a place people come to stay in, as opposed to one they cannot wait to leave. I don't know if Dilbert ever succeeds in making his workplace a great place to work, but I'm not Dilbert. I'm going to fight to make this place the best I can make it.

And if that doesn't work, I'll call Bob the Dinosaur. Wedgies will be delivered.

Eulogy for the also rans and the could have beens...

"When the world starts to cry
A life around you slowly dies
The forgotten ones will see
How you seek, how you try
To save an undone life from pain
The forgotten ones will know"
Russell Allen/Jorn Lande-"The Forgotten Ones"

Today, my theme is a theme that will probably get ignored by the lion's share of y'all who see, visit, and know about my page. It is partly about a man who none of you have ever heard of. However, after reading about this person and seeing the footage of the horrific circumstances surrounding his death, I felt he needed to be written about, and a lesson needs to be learned from it. I truly hope you take the time to read this story.


Now, join me in Indianapolis, more specifically Indianapolis Motor Speedway..."The Brickyard".

Indianapolis Motor Speedway aka "The Brickyard"


If auto racing in America was its own religion, Indianapolis Motor Speedway would be its cathedral. Every year on Memorial Day weekend, drivers from all over the world converge on this iconic 2.5 mile oval (which is actually shaped more like a rectangle with rounded edges) with one goal in mind: to win the Great American Race. In 1982, it was no different. Competing for the coveted pole position at "The Brickyard" that year were legendary names such as Mario Andretti, Al Unser, AJ Foyt, Rick Mears, Gordon Johncock, Danny Ongais, Johnny Rutherford, Tom Sneva, and young hotshots like Kevin Cogan. Another lead foot who was looking to qualify was Nebraska native Gordon Smiley.


While the 1982 race was only Smiley's 3rd appearance at Indy, he was no rookie and truly no slouch behind the wheel. He started racing at the age of 19 and worked his way up the ranks in junior formulae. He raced SCCA Formula Ford, Formula Atlantic (SCCA Formula B), Can-Am, Formula 5000 and Formula Super Vee, winning races in each series while setting an astonishing 25 track records. Smiley also won the SCCA National Championship four times prior to turning pro in 1974. In 1979, he raced in the British Formula One Championship (also known as the "Aurora Formula One Championship") for the Surtees Team, and in 11 races he had eight top-10 finishes, including a win, which is the last by an American in an FIA sanctioned event, at Silverstone, England in 1979. He also raced in the F1 non-championship 1979 Race of Champions at Brands Hatch, finishing 10th in a Tyrrell. You could say that Gordon Smiley was a rising talent who was on his way to the top in auto racing. So, in 1980, he decided to take his talents away from Europe and road racing. If you drive open wheel racing cars, and you want the big money, you have to head to Indianapolis.

Gordon Smiley when he drove in Formula Atlantic.


While Smiley was an experienced and accomplished road racer, he was new to racing on banked ovals, and the difference between driving on a road circuit and driving on an oval is staggering. Contrary to what many people who dislike motor racing say, it is much, much more than just going fast and turning left. However, it seemed that Smiley acclimated himself well, as in 1980 he qualified his car in a very respectable 20th, but his race ended early on lap 47 when his turbocharger decided to call it a day and blew up. In 1981, he showed even more improvement as he qualified in a fantastic 8th place. During the race he ran strongly among the frontrunners, even leading 15 laps, but on lap 141 Smiley crashed in Turn 4, bringing out the caution period that set up the controversial finish to the 1981 Indy 500 between Mario Andretti and Bobby Unser. Despite the crash, Smiley had to have been pleased with his performance, as he ran a very good race. However, at the end of the 1981 season, Patrick Racing (the team Smiley drove for, who was one of the top teams in IndyCars at the time), decided to release him to what was essentially Patrick Racing's B-team, Fletcher Racing. Still, Gordon Smiley had to be heading into 1982's Indy 500 with his head held high. He had shown steady improvement in his first two races at The Brickyard and with a little bit of luck and a good car, he could have had an excellent shot at a strong finish, or even a race win.


So, in May of '82, Gordon Smiley and his team headed to Indy with his Intermedics sponsored #35 March/Ford Cosworth, looking to accomplish one of two things: break 200 miles per hour in qualifying, or die trying. I honestly doubt he was on a suicide mission, but while he was in the garage area during preparations for qualifying, he kept talking about breaking that 200 MPH barrier. If he wanted any shot at pole position, nothing less than 200 MPH would do. The owner of his car kept telling him to just have a solid qualifying run. Smiley wasn't hearing any of it. It was 200 MPH or nothing. Now, if a seasoned IndyCar veteran like AJ Foyt or Al Unser were talking like this, not much cause was had for concern, as they were masters at making a car go as fast as possible around the iconic oval. Their skills were honed by years of experience and when it came to oval racing, they knew what they were doing. Gordon Smiley, on the other hand, did not.

Gordon Smiley in his car at Indianapolis Motor Speedway in 1982.


Yes, Smiley had raced the last two Indy 500's and ran very well in the 1981 race, but according to his peers, he still did not know how to properly drive on an oval track. Whenever he would have trouble, he would react like he would on one of the circuits in Europe where he honed his skills. On an oval, those same rules do not apply. For someone who was known by his peers as a talented driver but was prone to be a bit reckless, this was a combination of factors that would not bode well for Gordon Smiley.  On the second lap of his warm-up before his qualifying run, he accomplished one of the goals he set to achieve. Unfortunately, for Smiley, his wife Barbara, his friends, his fellow racing drivers, and the fans in attendance that day, it was the latter instead of the former.


I will not get graphic here. I will not share pictures or video of the incident. If you are curious, you can find them on YouTube or Google. Even the description by a former medic at Indy is far too graphic to mention in words. Instead, I'll give you the short version: On his 2nd warm up lap before his qualifying run, Gordon Smiley lost control of his car in Turn 4 and hit the wall head on at 175-180 MPH. Dead on impact. What happened after impact, well, you can look it up if you feel the need to. Many still call it the worst accident in racing history. I'd have to agree, which is why I'm sparing you all the details save for the bare facts.

Gordon Smiley's final resting place at Calvary Cemetary in Omaha, Nebraska


Sadly, Gordon Smiley is only remembered by many fans of auto racing due to the violent nature of his death, or by his friends like Chip Ganassi, who is now arguably the most successful team owner in IndyCar, but in 1982 was just a rookie driver trying to qualify at Indy. Or, he is remembered by the fans who were in the grandstands at The Brickyard that day as his spirit left his body when he hit the wall during his fateful attempt to qualify. Honestly, I didn't know his name until I read an article about the 1982 Indy 500. My dad and I probably watched the 500 that year, and maybe remember Jackie Stewart talking about the accident, but it's hard to remember stuff clearly from when you are 5 years old going on 6. To 95 percent of the world's population, if I mentioned his name it would elicit a "who?", and that is about it.


We have a tendency to only remember the superstars in their respective fields when they pass away. If it's an A-list actor, a superstar athlete, a legendary rock musician, or a president or head of state, headlines are saturated with pictures and quotes about that person's life and career. We don't remember the also rans, the actors who only played a supporting role, the backing musicians used by the rock star, or the person who ran errands for the politician. To me, that is a shame. Everybody who has lived is important to somebody, or is somebody's hero. It does not matter to me if they won the Indy 500, or crashed and died trying to just qualify for the race. I'm sure that Gordon Smiley signed an autograph for some kid that day in the paddock and just made that kids' day, and even though Smiley died that day, I am positive that kid grew up admiring him still even in death.


Even though Gordon Smiley died 36 years ago, I am a fan. I think of a driver who had loads of potential and the talent to become a great success in the world of motor racing. The racing world is less for having lost him. I think of the many who had a bright future ahead of them, be it in music, acting, sport, art, writing, and life, and I mourn for them all. We all know someone who's light was extinguished before their time. Our world has been robbed of so many great moments that could have happened, so many great songs that could have been sung, and so many great roles that could have been played. Yet, to most of us, all we consider the dreamers who were taken away from us before they achieved fame or fortune are just footnotes, names in an atlas, or an engraving on a forgotten headstone in a cemetery.


Don't just remember the legends, remember those who were taken away from us before they could become legendary.


In Memoriam, Gordon Smiley (April 20, 1946-May 15, 1982)

You Can't Eat a Burger, But You Can Filet 'O Fish!

"Fish heads, fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads,
Eat them up, yum!"


Barnes & Barnes-"Fish Heads"




Happy Friday everyone! Tonight is a big night for restaurants, as many families and couples hit up their favorite dives to celebrate the end of the week. What are you going to have tonight? Steak? Chicken? Pasta? Pizza? Tex-Mex? Thai? Indian? If so, you are the lucky ones, especially this time of year. Me? I'm a practicing Catholic, so I am limited in my choices due to it being the liturgical season of Lent.

Fish. Lots of Fish. Fish, fish, and more fish. Of course, other seafood is fair game as well and I enjoy plenty of other types of seafood, but fish is much cheaper than lobster or crab. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Sgt. Fish from Barney Miller. A Fish Called Wanda. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.


If you are a seafood lover and a Catholic, Lent will not pose a problem for you. However, if you are allergic or just plain don't like fish, Lent will be a major struggle. Liking seafood has never been an issue for me, but by the end of Lent, I get to the point where I hope I don't see another fish for a long time. Of course, pasta and pizza are also fair game, but steer away from meat sauce or pepperoni. No eggs either...rats! Oh wait...we CAN have eggs? Then I've been denying myself breakfast for nothing for all these years...oops.


Also, for the love of all that is holy, do not let your family take you to a restaurant that specializes in steak, pork, or bacon on a Friday night during Lent. That is either a felony or it should be as it is cruel and unusual punishment. So, steer clear of the Longhorns, the Texas Roadhouse, or the Ruth's Cris on Fridays during Lent. You do not want to be sitting there, mouth all agape, as everyone around you is enjoying a delicious T-Bone while you stare at your plate of haddock.

Many of my Catholic friends know how I will rant against this practice as Lent nears its close, mostly because I am sick of fish by this time, even though I love fish. Well, I've decided to investigate why "fish on Friday" has been the rule for practicing Catholics during Lent. Think about it for a second: In Sacred Scripture, Christ did not say during the Sermon on the Mount "Behold, you shall eat fish on the Friday of the week, or the penalty will be firey Gehenna." So why do we adhere to this tradition that probably seems either silly or unnecessary to our Evangelical (Protestant) brothers and sisters? (who I am not knocking! Love you all! Take this in the spirit in which it is intended, educating and entertaining!)


Well, first, there is no law saying that we HAVE to eat fish on Friday. Go ahead, read that again. What we do have to abstain from is the meat of warm-blooded animals in observance of the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us...on a Friday. In layman's terms, that means mammal flesh. Fish, on the other hand, are cold blooded, so eating fish passes the test as far as being acceptable to eat on days of Fast and Abstinence during Lent. To be even more pedantic, you could eat snake or another form of reptile meat (as reptiles are cold blooded), but unless you live in a backwater bayou somewhere, I doubt that reptile meat would be seen as appetizing. I'll stick with the fish...but if you enjoy alligator and have been abstaining from that on Fridays...abstain no more and eat to your content. Bon Appetit! Also, if you happen to be a vegan or vegetarian Catholic, you truly have nothing to worry about as you pretty much eat Lenten already.


Also, go back to the time of around A.D. 40-50. You could not walk down the block in Jerusalem and pick up a Big Mac at the local McDonalds. You could not go to a strip mall in Nazareth to dine at Outback Steakhouse. Meat was a luxury and not as plentiful as it is now. Fish, on the other hand, was almost omnipresent in the lives of Jesus and the Apostles. Before Andrew and Simon Peter became "fishers of men", they were fishers of fish! One of the central foods of the Feeding of the 5,000 was fish. Due to the proximity of the Sea of Galilee, fish was easy to obtain and due to it being plentiful, cheap! It was seen as a humble food, the food of a pauper.

Meat was also seen as being associated with feasts. According to Fr. Mike Schmitz, chaplain of the University of Minnesota-Duluth "...meat was singled out because it is associated with celebrations and feasts. I understand that there has been a slight cultural shift in the last number of years with more and more people eating a more vegetarian diet, but most of us still base the food we eat during celebrations around a meat entrée (Thanksgiving turkey, Easter ham, Fourth of July brat, burger and a steak). A day devoted to remembering Christ’s Passion doesn’t seem like a day to feast. Interestingly enough, the day we celebrate the Resurrection is a day for feasting (and we get one of those every single week: Sunday)."


Also, one thing to understand, is that this is not a "dogma". It is just a discipline of the Church. It is subject to change. Fr. Schmitz: "In a 1966 document, “Apostolic Constitution on Penance”, Pope Paul VI reorganized and clarified the Church’s practice. He determined that abstinence forbids the use of meat, but not of eggs, milk products or condiments made of animal fat. Moral theologians have taken varying sides on this, but it seems that gravies, broths, and soups cooked or flavored with meat are permissible. It would seem a bit “off” to me to take this so far as to serve beef barley soup at the Lenten Soup Suppers, but one rule of thumb could be “if you can drink it through a straw, you’ve got nothing to worry about”. (You may be completely missing the point as you sip on your pepperoni milkshake, but I guess that’s why we have a distinction between the spirit and the letter of the law.)" I love this priest's sense of humor. My favorite priests are the one's who are dedicated to their faith and stay true to it, but also don't take themselves too seriously. I still miss the priest I knew who was a King Crimson fan.


We all know how necessity is the mother of invention. True story: A McDonald's franchiser in Cincinnati, OH noticed a huge drop off in hamburger sales on Fridays during Lent. He found out that his restaurant was located in a neighborhood in the Queen City that had a large Catholic population. So, he created a new sandwich for his menu: the Filet-O-Fish, and sales picked up again. It is now a common item on McD's menus all over the world, and they still sell at a brisk pace during Lent. Take it from someone who has spent many a Friday during Lent in a McD's drive-thru. It's all true, I swear! If I'm lying, I'm dying!

Another interesting little tidbit: In the early days of Christianity, practicing your faith in public could have possibly ended in you being literally raked over the coals or thrown to the lions. The drawing of a symbolic fish in the dirt was a way that the early Christians knew each other without tipping off the centurions.


So, my Catholic friends, while you dig into your Friday meal tonight, remember to give thanks to the one who was sacrificed for us on a Friday, and stop complaining about eating fish! Don't worry, I'm telling myself this as well, because Lent is a time for sacrifice, and sacrifice is not holy without love.


Some of this stuff may be familiar to you, some of it may not, but I hope you found it entertaining and educational! Dominus Vobiscum!


Source: https://bulldogcatholic.org/why-dont-catholics-eat-meat-during-lent/